(Students may kindly ignore this article... which is the precise action you are quite adept at doing when you see a large body of text.)

First of all, I would like to welcome you to our humble abode here in good ‘ol Terredise... as we are apt to call our beautiful city. Now, I don’t want there to be any animosity between us. It was just this fall you dropped your wonderful child off at this fine institute for the first time... or second time... or third time... or maybe even the fourth time for some of the lucky ones. Now your child has had some time to himself or herself. You may look at the child you once knew and ask yourself if you still even recognize the button of a baby they used to be. However, you might ask yourself from time to time what your child actually does here in between the weekly phone calls during which your child rudely interrupts your household updates by exclaiming his torrentially busy schedule just before hanging up. You might be discontented or irritated at first, but after you have a little time to roll it around in your head, you may come to wonder what your child actually does here that makes the chip off the old block too occupied to have a half an hour conversation. “What makes little Johnny’s schedule so much busier than my own?” You might ask yourself. “I have a full time job, bills to pay, clients to call, dinner to cook, lawns to mow, other children to care for, and a laundry list of other clothes to wash and things to do.”
Allow me to let you in on a little secret. The average student here receives about eight minutes of homework a week. (RHIT conCensus 2010) The vast majority of the time which we are entitled to includes all sorts of productive activities. Every night around 1:30 AM inherently merits a Taco Bell Run (TBR) in which we engorge ourselves with an invention which parallels that of the printing press: A beautifully crafted taco with an oversized dorito as the shell. How has it taken so long to arrive at this feat of humanity? I digress. During the two hours before that, you may witness us enjoying several consecutive rounds of the lovely card game of Euchre. Now, I must admit that this form of entertainment may lack a few students. However, I assure you that these students have other (productive) activities in which they delve into. You know that each student must buy an issued notebook computer at the beginning of freshman year. Information which you may not be privy to is the fact that these laptops come pre-loaded with “World of Warcraft,” “League of Legends,” “Starcraft,” “Minecraft,” and “Skyrim.” This is due to the necessity of these games through normal interaction at this institute. If one simply does not play these computer games, they are not likely to have the ability to participate in any sort of conversation around campus. These games are required for the sake of student interaction. You may be reminiscing about your days in college... “What ever happened to intramural or attending/participating in varsity athletics?” There is simply not enough time anymore to fit such trivial activities into our daily schedules. This brings us back around to that weekly phone call you have with your child. And now, hopefully you fully understand the commitment it takes to attend this school and the struggle to fit a conversation through the daily grind of these salt mines.

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