Aries: Don’t be afraid to tell people your true feelings... but do it in a way that isn’t emotionally appealing

Taurus: Grab life by its horns or life may grab you by yours

Gemini: Let yourself become more vulnerable... but never make the first move.

Cancer: Stay out of the sun and don’t go near any microwaves.

Leo: You’ve already found your mate, all you need to do is pounce.

Virgo: ...Yes you are.

Libra: Don’t go to Wal-Mart for the next few days... you’re still wanted since the whole cashier incident

Scorpio: You will find great luck in the next Cracker Jack box you open

Sagittarius: Just eat some chocolate... that’s about all you can do.

Capricorn: Check your email every once in a while... that job offer just might show up one of these days.

Aquarius: Fire up the grill this week... your roomate won’t see what’s coming

Pisces: Hold on to your dreams, one day you’ll graduate.

"Could Not Retrieve any Tweets"